How the image of men harms men

Regardless of their gender identity, many victims of violence rarely contact a victim counseling center and seek help out of shame and fear and only do so with great difficulty.
In counseling with male victims of violence, however, we often encounter statements that reveal a role conflict.
They ask, “Can I even become a victim, show weakness and vulnerability, when as a man I have to be strong and independent?”.
Why it is worthwhile for men to critically question their self-image of masculinity.
And why it is also a social responsibility to support men in doing so.

It was a casual conversation over coffee with a teacher friend.
She casually told me that she had repeatedly warned the boys who were fighting in the school playground during break time, but that it hadn’t helped.
“Maybe they need to hit themselves on the head to make it stop. Maybe that’s how boys are”.
This statement kept me busy in the days that followed.
It seems as if society has resigned itself to the fact that violence is part of being a man.

For a few years now, other types of masculinity have also been establishing themselves.
Men are working part-time more often.
In 2023, 19.6% of working men in Switzerland did so, compared to just 7.8% in 1991.
More and more men are opting for working models that are compatible with childcare and family.
This not only creates new ideas of masculinity, but also contributes to gender equality.
The diversification of masculinities can also be seen in men who take up occupations that are atypical for men.
They can act as role models for boys in particular.

Toxic masculinity

However, this shift towards more diversity does nothing to change the fact that the traditional image of men remains and is even gaining in importance.
There are many reasons for this regression.
Many men see their privileges threatened by social change.
Some political groups fuel these fears by stylizing people (e.g. LGBTQI* people) as enemy images and declaring that they are defending traditional role models and roles.
People like the Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson, who reaches a large audience with high-profile messages on toxic masculinity, play a role in this.

According to this logic, a man must be strong, powerful and tough.
Anyone who shows weakness or other unmanly feelings is not a man.
Violence is also part of this stereotype.
It serves to consolidate one’s own position and assert interests.
If violence continues to be seen in certain parts of society as an unchangeable characteristic of men that is acted out if necessary, it is not surprising that there are more acts of violence.

Men seek help less often

In Switzerland, 75% of offenders and 56% of all victims of crime are male.
At the same time, men seeking help from victim counseling centers account for only 30% of cases.
This discrepancy raises questions and shows how important it is to take men seriously as victims.
However, this does not mean that women’s experience of violence should be relativized.
All forms of violence must be rejected.
And we need to look for the causes in order to take action against it.

Those who cannot meet the unrealistic demands of this masculinity often feel powerlessness and frustration.
This can lead to violence against others or even against themselves.
Another problem with this form of masculinity is that it offers no strategies for dealing with feelings such as vulnerability, excessive demands or fear.
And this can lead to violence against others.
Or even against oneself.

For many men, going to a victim counseling center represents a break with their own strict role models.
In our counseling sessions, we observe that men struggle with their experience of violence.
What they need in this situation is support.
In this way, they can reinterpret entrenched ideas such as strength and autonomy and experience it as a sign of strength when they accept help.

Protected spaces are needed

For this to succeed, suitable offers of help are needed first.
Unfortunately, there are still practically no protected spaces where men can critically question the expectations of their role.
The men’s office in the Basel region is an exception.
And the Opferhilfe beider Basel (Victim Support of beider Basel): here, men affected by domestic and sexualized violence have been receiving advice in a specially created department since 2008.
In a confidential, free consultation, individual needs and concerns are identified and targeted support is offered.

Even a one-off conversation can be relieving.
After a consultation, many men also recognize the need for psychotherapeutic support and want therapy recommendations.
Or they ask for legal help as complex legal issues arise.
These are men who want to free themselves from their role as victims and their powerlessness and become capable of acting again.

Accept support

In counseling, we experience time and time again how difficult it is for men to admit their helplessness and accept outside support.
To get out of a difficult situation, many men talk about suicide.
Unfortunately, the disproportionately high rate of completed suicides among men shows that these are not empty words.

Problematic roles and stereotypes also prevail in society, making it difficult for men who have experienced violence to access help.
Specifically, many experiences of violence are trivialized or not taken seriously.
It would be desirable if professionals who deal with people affected by violence also critically questioned sometimes unconscious notions of masculinity so that men affected by violence can receive the support they need.

It must also be a social task to enable boys and men to accept help from specialists if they are affected by violence.
Stereotypes according to which men have to cope with stressful situations alone must not be reproduced.
However, help must also be available.
Unfortunately, many affected men encounter negative and dismissive reactions when they first try to seek help, which makes it much more difficult to continue looking for support.

Conclusion

Gender roles are not set in stone.
Let’s encourage men to question and discard the roles they have been taught.
So that they can develop and try out other masculinities in a self-determined way.
Let us condemn violence – on school playgrounds as well as in other places and areas of everyday life.
Let’s give up the serious misconception that violence must be an integral part of male socialization.
And let us listen to and trust the men affected by violence.
Those who manage to talk about their experience of violence despite the taboo and stigma are taking a very important step.
They deserve our support and must not remain alone in coping with the experience of violence and dealing with role conflicts.

Sources:

Part-time work – proportion of part-time employees, Federal Statistical Office

Police crime statistics 2023, Federal Statistical Office

Victim support statistics 2022, Federal Statistical Office

Specific causes of death, 2022, Federal Statistical Office