The perennial issue of gender-based violence

Violence knows no gender – and yet there is gender-specific violence. Is this not a contradiction?
Yes and no. It all depends on what focus is placed on the topic of violence. Yes, because there is still clearly and strongly pronounced gender-specific violence, namely sexualized violence, domestic violence and stalking. Women are a vulnerable group here. This means that in the vast majority of cases, the perpetrator is a man and the victim is a woman. That has not changed.

No, because anyone – regardless of gender – can experience violence and thus become a victim. Violence is everywhere: at home, at work, during leisure time, at school, in the military, when going out. However, men as victims of domestic or sexualized violence are a taboo subject that is not so easy to touch. It does not fit in with our society’s conventional ideas of masculinity and causes great discomfort.

Why?
Domestic violence and sexualized violence are not attractive topics to discuss over an after-work beer in a relaxed atmosphere. That is why it is all the more important to push ahead with measures and maintain our tireless commitment to combating violence and keeping the conversation going. The Istanbul Convention and the International Day against Violence against Women on November 25th are the starting point.

Agota Lavoyer writes in her new book that every woman has experienced or witnessed sexualized violence in her life. What do you think of this statement?
I was taken aback by the title of the book. But the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that this was true. Even before I started working with women affected by violence, I was aware that many women are affected. However, it was very sobering for me to realize in how many situations, almost casually and with what self-image, boundaries are crossed in connection with sexualized violence.

Ask women around you whether they have ever had a similar cross-border experience at work, in their free time, when going out, on the way home or during sport. I did this recently and was amazed.

What does that trigger in you?
I find it extremely worrying and it affects me. Agota Lavoyer calls it rape culture, a society that not only accepts and thus legitimizes certain forms of violence, but also devalues and blames those affected. A telling example of this can be found in the comments sections of newspapers or on social media in connection with reports on sexual assaults. This cannot be, this must not be. We still have a huge amount of work to do to create awareness of the problem.

What messages does the “Violence knows no gender” awareness campaign have for you in your daily work with women affected by violence?
Women are particularly exposed to gender-specific violence and are therefore particularly vulnerable. Women are also allowed to be vulnerable. It is an important skill to be touched, so that not everything simply bounces off and the person hardens. And although women are not to blame for the violence, it is still mostly the women who have to bear the consequences of the violence. If they decide to escape, this decision often turns their whole life upside down. Some examples of this are fleeing to a shelter, moving house, financial difficulties because they lose their job or are unable to work for family reasons. Such a decision also affects social and cultural life, relationships with friends and acquaintances that are broken off or lost.

What are the consequences?
What remains and stays with them for a long time is the overwhelming feeling of shame and the traumatizing memories. The clients are ashamed that something like this happened to them. This shame blocks them. This shame is almost impossible to overcome. This is where the awareness campaign addresses an important and rarely talked about issue. We need to pick up this ball in the social debate and keep playing with it. And everyone should take the third message of the campaign to heart: It is important to get help. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and responsibility. And these messages are the same for everyone – regardless of gender.

In the first half of 2024, the women’s counseling service treated 20% more cases than in the first half of the previous year. How is the team dealing with this quantitative and qualitative burden?
It’s a lot. It’s important work, and it’s very important to all of us to be able to show those affected ways out of violence and show them options. We are allowed to listen, support and, above all, believe those affected. This is greatly appreciated. Everyone is very committed and doesn’t let it get them down, even if we almost lose faith in the good in many cases. A sense of humor, listening to each other, exchanging ideas across teams and being aware of your limits – that helps.